Hazard

Hello Kids!!

So basically this entry is all about how I’m a hazard to myself and making fun of that. I consider myself as “moderately clumsy”. I do not fall a lot but my shoe tends to find any and ALL little small cracks in the ground to trip over. It’s like my feet have radars under them to locate those damn bumps or maybe I’m just heavy footed. I do not shuffle my feet when I walk cause well, let’s face it, that’s just annoying. I am trying to convince myself more then you that I am not clumsy. Here are a few things that happened to me that prove me wrong…because let’s face it; I am clumsy.

I fall down stairs a lot. Probably more than the recommended dose. LOL.  Once, I was late to go to school and was going down the stair faster than I should with my giant blue monkey slippers. I missed a step or one jump out from under me (damn those moving steps LOL) and I saw the concrete basement floor coming at an alarming speed. Thank god I was quick enough and put my hands and arms over my head. The floor put up a good fight but I go away with just a few bruises.

                

 That time was not so bad I was older, use to falling and I knew how to do it with grace and dignity, but when I was younger, one moment will forever be in my mind or at least in the back of my throat.

 

FYI, this one has disaster written all over it

I was maybe 8 years old and I thought that I was the bomb playing the flute. No not the really cool big flute or the one you play holding sideways, not even one of those really cool wooden ones that sound just awesome. Nope, just the boring plastic flute.

 

I was playing the flute in my room being super awesome when I had the brilliant idea to get up to do something outside my bedroom (bad idea number one). I got up from my bed and walked around my room to the door while playing the flute (bad idea number two). I can to the door to find it closed *sigh*. Not wanting to stop playing the flute, I just did it “no hands style” (bad idea number three).

 I kept playing the flute while using one hand to open the door and the other doing nothing just for the heck of it (bad idea number four). In one stupid move I opened the door and walked out of my bedroom. Only I never made it out without one huge obstacle. The door frame jumped out at me like it was King Kong and the flute went right where it was aligned to go. Up my mouth and jabbed me in the back of the throat. Now keep in mind that I’m 8 when this all happened. I start to freak out since I’m having a hard time breathing. You see, when I jammed that flute down there, I basically poked at my air vent hard enough to block off the air and more me go into panic mode. I finally get enough air in my lungs to scream a horror movie award winning scream that makes my mom run up the stairs like she’s Rocky.

 

Too much freaking out happens because the only reason I can’t breathe is because I keep screaming. Cry, cry, cry, I finally calm down and all is fine. I do however have the scar of the evil flute on the back of my pallet.

 

So to conclude,

I have made a list of places or situations where you do not want to find yourself (or me for that matter) in order to avoid falling and being a hazard to your body. These are in order last one is the mother of all hazardous places.

5- Elevator vs. floor: You know some elevator and floors just don’t add up. One is higher than the other and it’s an accident waiting to happen.

4- The crack in the side walk: they say “Don’t step on the crack or your break your momma’s back” I say screw the sidewalk, keep to the streets at least the cracks there are filled with that black rubber thing.

3- Wet floor signs: Those are just bad news. For me, these signs are just a warning that I WILL fall. I get all tens and then I slip. I hate the man with the mop but I hate this sign even more.

 

2- Any kind of stairs: I get why they were created and I do appreciate them, they do make going up so much easier but do they have to make them so hazardous and weird. They should all be actually the same. Why some people have those circular ones, i will never underatnd. No small or big steps. ALL the same would be great thank you!

 1-    A bridge. Is there really much more needed to say besides that fact that a lot of them have guard rails to keep us from falling off (and the occasional jumper from doing what he came to do). They are accidents waiting to happen, just keep clear of these

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Pieces fall into place like the Domino effect.