Hello Kids!!
This one is all about the CRAZY. The crazy girls that is! This came as an idea to me a few weeks back after having a conversation with a co-worker (who we will call Mr. X). After a long weekend he basically stumbled into work on Monday morning looking like his pillow was still on his face. We went for coffee and he told me about his horrible horror of a weekend getaway with his wife. She totally destroyed any chance of them having a good weekend within the first minute of checking into their hotel. Any who, I really don’t want to go into the specifics of what happened to make the nice gentle girl into a rabid beast but here is what happens when a bitch goes crazy.
I stole this from Barney Stinson from “How I met your mother” but he is totally right about this. So it’s called the Hot VS. Crazy graph and it’s pretty straight forward. The hotter the girl the crazier she will be. Guys, you basically want to stay away from the crazy section all together even is she’s at the top of the chart hot because she will be a fucking nut case. Please believe me and save yourself the stress, grey hairs and months of arguing instead of sex. I know a few hot/crazies and they are the worst girlfriend/friend/fuckfriend a guy could ever be stuck with.
She will suck up to your Dad in a weird flirty way that will actually make you think your Dad is hitting that and they would hate fuck the shit out of your buddies the second you turn around. But she will go all Crazy eyes on you the second you two have sex. You will no longer be able to breathe without feeling guilty.
Now don’t get me wrong I’m not trashing the crazy bitch because I’m jealous in a weird way (what kind of sick person would be?!) I’m simply voicing it out because as a girl we also get some of this crazy bitch action from our crazy friend. If you, the guy, decide to not answer your phone and we are the lucky one in sight….*sigh* we get to hear all of the “What the Fuck”…”where the hell is he”…”he better not be with that slut Britney”… I hope he knows how much trouble he’s in”… I’m sure he forgot all about me and is having a blast while I worry about where he is”…The list of complaints is endless. You would think that after about an hour of redial and filling up on your voice mail that she would give up… HAHAHHA, no you do not get off so easily and neither do we. She will run to FACEBOOK and stalk all you friends to see if anyone has tagged you somewhere. Then BINGO, you are in major shit. You best bud just tagged you in his status update: “WAOH, That was a fucking amazing night, “insert your name here” can do some fucked up shit.”
Shit has hit the fan in her mind. You probably went to the club, got into a fight, went to the strippers, got a trillion dances, then took a hooker home and banged her in front of all your friends!
But let’s face it your bud was pretty totalled himself that night. After a few poker games and a few to many beers, you guys walked back home and peed on a hobo. (In my opinion, still a fucked up thing to do, but much better than the fairy tale that bitch has in mind). So after seeing the facebook shit maker, she decided to write you a very public, very bitch/crazy message directly on your facebook wall. “Douche bag, what the fuck??? I hope you had fun tonight and that it was worth loosing me”……… 14 hours later, you wake up to pee smelling pants and a hell of a wake up message form the hot mess you said was great! After about three days of arguing, her crying, yelling, maybe even slapping you she will go through about 20 emotions, alot that you won't even know existed. She will cry, laugh, scream, fall on the ground and do a fit like a five year old... she will pull out all the tricks to make you apolagize... funny thing is most of you do..
So that is what happens behind the scene when a hot/crazy shit looses her shit because she is just simply fucking retarded.
My biggest question out of all of this is…
Why the fuck do the guys stay with them. The sex must be mind blowingly, brain smashingly awesome to put up with that. Let me know because I’m at a loss….
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