Hello kids!!!
I grew up these past few months and here is why…
If I think about what I wanted to be when I was a child, not much comes up. I don’t remember having a concrete idea of what I wanted. Unlike some of my friends, I had no clue. So I made up ideas like doctor or lawyer. I never wanted to be these things but I never knew what I wanted either. At least I don’t recall having those thoughts. So I imagine not really having that ambition when I younger. I was too busy being a kid. During high school I always struggled with my grades. Even in grad school I had trouble keeping up. It’s a wonder I never failed my years but when high school started I failed twice. Looking at me you would have never known but I was devastated. I tried so hard in school but I was a follower. When I turned 16 I asked my parents if I could go to adult ed. I thought that being more in control of my own things would make me more mature and better in school. Boy was I wrong! I definitely followed others to much and after about 2 months I got kicked out. I went back but this time they did not have the time to kick me out, I just quit after a month.
I eventually met someone, moved out of my parents place and got a full time job. Ah man, that was the beginning of mistakes over mistakes. I eventually came back home. Got a government job and things were starting to look up. But of course, it did not last too long. I met someone, again, and moved out, again, three years later I finally woke up from my slumber. I did not just wake up a fell out of bed and into reality.
Something happened that changed everything. I look a that world in a completely different way.
The first this I did was quit smoking cigarettes after almost 10 years. I did it cold turkey. I give all the props to one special person who helped me do it. My Grandmother, god rest her soul, had a stroke this past summer and it scared me straight, literally! After an epic 110 days in intensive care, she decided that she had done enough in her long life and left us for a better place.
Let me tell you a bit about her. She was Gisele Ryan-Aubin, better known as Mimi! She was the ultimate grams. She would come over every Sunday afternoon and gave me chocolate bars. As i grew up, the chocolate turned into money and eventually beer! Lol She hate when people wore the color red, don’t know why. She did not like it when someone whistled after 6pm, it was bad luck apparently. She loved African violet plants. She made a mean Bloody Caesar that would put anyone on there ass. (Pardon my French) She use to yodel as a younger girl. I never did get to hear her sing, but I do now when I dream of her. She loved and gave and lived for everyone else. She was an awesome mother, grandmother and great grandmother.
Since her pacing, I have taken a completely different route in life that I had planned. I moved back to parents and I’m planning on staying here for a while. I am going back to high school to finally finish what I started and I finally know what I want to be when I grow up. I am going to University to get a Bachelor’s degree in Humanities and eventually maybe become a writer.
I never looked back at the life I gave up. I did not run away from my problems but simply learned to face a bunch more. I have changed so much about myself in the past three months. I will live on to go to school, get a career and eventually maybe even start a family.
All of this is because of one great woman that was present in my live. Without even knowing it, she saved me from the mess I was. If I grow up to be at least a fraction of what this woman was, I’ll be happy. She is my inspiration, my push, my drive, my fuel, my fire and my guardian angel. I can only hope that I will live up to her expectations and make her proud.
I now know that when I grow up, I want to be all that I can be and give all that I can. Love all that I can love. Live all that I can live.
I carry you with me for always.
Thank you Mimi for being you and making me who I am today.
xox
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